MOBILE, Ala. — When Washington State quarterback Luke Falk took the field for the start of the North Team practices at the Senior Bowl on Tuesday, he was wearing an unfamiliar jersey number — 3 — not the No. 4 he wore for four years during a decorated career with the Cougars. There was a carefully chosen reason for this.
Falk made the switch to honor Tyler Hilinski, Falk’s backup this past season who committed suicide — an act that shocked the Wazzu community and especially the football team that loved Hilinski — just one week ago.
“Words don’t describe the hurt that we all felt as a team and seeing his family,” Falk said.
Added Cougars teammate Cole Madison, an offensive linemen who is chasing his NFL draft dreams alongside Falk this week: “It’s been pretty brutal. Especially for the older guys who considered [Hilinski] like the little brother of our group. It home really hard.
“We didn’t understand why. Still don’t.”
Hilinski was found dead last Tuesday with what police said was a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. The 21-year-old QB had not shown up for a team meeting, so police conducted a wellness check and found him in his apartment. There was a note left besides the rifle used to take his own life.
Many graduated players, such as Falk and Madison, were not on campus at the time but returned back to Pullman, Wash. for a candlelight vigil held last Friday in front of the school’s large cougar statue. It was attended by thousands of students who wished to pay their respects for a player whose death seemed to confound everyone — even those closest to him.
Afterward, there was a players-only meeting in which the team honored Hilinski’s life with a slideshow of photos. They then went around and told stories about the redshirt sophomore whose outgoing personality made him a hit with nearly everyone in the locker room.
Madison considered him the “little brother” of the senior class. Falk called him “bubbly” and said he relished their practice competitions that “at the end of the day, it was all love.”
Cold as it might sound, Falk and Madison tried their best to turn the page on the sadness and get ready for what was in front of them: one of the biggest tests for their NFL careers at the Senior Bowl. Falk said he decided a few days ago to change from No. 4 to No. 3 — not just this week, he hopes, but going forward — to honor his teammate as a way of keeping his memory alive.
“It’s what I felt I needed to do,” Falk said. “He needs to be remembered. He was an amazing person and an amazing soul. This guy was one of the most outgoing, bubbly guys you’d want to be around. People need to know it.”
Falk also believes there’s a higher cause here. In addition to remembering Hilinski, his friend, Falk said he wanted to help educate and open eyes about suicide and depression — something that has hit him hard in such a short period of time.
“When suicide is the second-leading cause of death from men ages 18 to 45 years old, it should be talked about more,” Falk said. “We should do something about it. At times we feel like we can’t express our emotions because we’re in a masculine sport. [Hilinski] being a quarterback, people look up to you as a leader, so he probably felt like he couldn’t talk to anybody.”
The players have spent the time since learning of Hilinski’s death not only asking why, but also trying to reverse engineer this shocking death — to ask themselves the toughest questions they can — to perhaps be able to help someone else in a similar situation down the road.
“I think all of us who were close to him just kind of go back and ask ourselves were there signs? What could we have done? I think we all feel a little bit of guilt,” Falk said. “I wish I could have given him one more hug. One more pat on the butt. Just one more time let him know he’s loved.”
“You piece things together again and you’re not sure … could I have done anything?” Madison asked rhetorically. “You just don’t know, but you can’t help thinking that.”
And as if compartmentalizing during one of the most trying weeks of Falk’s life isn’t hard enough, he’s also facing other obstacles prior to what amounts to 32 job interviews with every NFL team having descended on Mobile.
Falk came from the gimmicky “Air Raid” passing offense that often results in inflated production, and it’s one where he never took a snap from under center. He must answer questions about a history of injuries that knocked him out of multiple games, including a broken wrist he played through last season and one he will endure this week with the help of a brace. Falk also might not have textbook size, athletic traits or arm talent. He also is sharing reps on the North squad with the more highly touted Baker Mayfield of Oklahoma and Josh Allen of Wyoming.
All par for the course for a player who has built himself from the ground up into an NFL prospect.
“I walked on at Washington State. I was the seventh guy on the depth chart. I faced a lot of adversity in my career,” he said. “I am polished and ready for this moment.”
Falk believes he’s a “franchise quarterback” and that he’s “going to win Super Bowls” — and yes, that’s plural. But football always has been Falk’s sancutary, he said, and it’s what he needs now more than ever this week as he tables his sadness and guilt and tries to forge forward with so much on the line.
“It’s hard, but throughout my life football has been something I can go to and it’s kind of an escape for me,” Falk said. “It has always been my staple. It’s the same in this situation. In the [team] meetings, I was able to take my mind off of [Hilinski’s death]. I was able to talk about something I love. I am going to approach practice the same way, doing something I enjoy doing.
“It’s all ball. This is what I need now.”
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